He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
Randomize
