Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
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