so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
Randomize
