I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
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