haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
Randomize
