i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
Randomize
