we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
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