dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
The adults are the big ones right?
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
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