No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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