I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
I just had sex on a roof
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
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