So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
I FOUND THE LEGS
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
Randomize
