tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Randomize
