Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
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