I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
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