At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
Everyone says I win the strip club
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
Randomize
