y did u give ur computer a hand job?
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
Randomize
