She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
Dicks are not precious.
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
Randomize
