I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
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