im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
Randomize
