we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
My pussy is not your playground.
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
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