All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
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