Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
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