May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
Go christen that room with your naked body.
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
Randomize
