A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
I have tasted many bathrooms
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
Randomize