Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
Randomize
