Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
