I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
Drunk is a universal language darling
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