i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
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