I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
Randomize
