i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
I just blew my weed a kiss
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
Randomize
