Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize
