Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
Randomize
