Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
Randomize
