Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
Randomize
