I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
Someone came in the potted fern
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
Randomize
