Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
Randomize
