So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
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