So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
And then he peed in my hair
Randomize
