We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
worst night to have a conscience
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
Randomize
