I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
Randomize
