I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
Randomize
