i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
Randomize
