Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
Randomize
