remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
Randomize
