I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
Randomize
