dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Randomize
