sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
Randomize
