My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
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