wakey wakey hands off snakey
I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
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