Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
Randomize
