Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
Randomize