i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
