Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
I have fence marks all over my body
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
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