my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
Randomize
