just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
Randomize
