I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
