Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Randomize
