Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
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