; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
Randomize
