a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
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