so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
Randomize
