that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
Randomize
