The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
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