sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
I cut my penus on the lid.
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
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