i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
My day in three words: secret purse cake
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
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