Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
Randomize
