6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize
