Go to google and type XXX
.......Is that how you look for porn?
dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
Randomize
