My sheets look like a crime scene.
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
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