Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
Every concussion has its silver lining
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
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