my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
Randomize