So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
Randomize
