Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
Boobs speak an international language.
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
Randomize
