OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
Randomize
