I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
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