Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
Randomize
