You're so nebulous sometimes
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
Your cock deserves a montage
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
