just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
Randomize
