i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
Randomize
