He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
