is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
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